The Ins And Outs Of Anal

When it comes to sexual pleasure, anal sex is often a taboo topic.  All kinds of concerns may arise when deciding to embark in the anal sex territory.  Men and women often ask, “Is it painful?” Is anal sex safe?” And the most fearful question on everyone’s mind is, “What happens to the ‘poop’ during anal intercourse?”

Here are some answers to the more commonly asked questions about anal sex.

Why have anal sex?  What makes it pleasurable?  Anal play can definitely be enjoyable for both men and women.  The anus is an erogenous zone full of sensitive nerve endings. Men are often brought to orgasm through the stimulation of their prostate gland located near the anal wall.  For the inserting partner, some men report that there is more friction and tightness in anal sex than through other forms of intercourse.  Women are able to orgasm, possibly through how the anal sex stimulates the back wall of the vaginal canal, the g-spot, and/or the urethral sponge.  Some people enjoy the feeling of fullness and intimacy from anal sex.  Others appreciate the intense intimacy from exploring pleasure and pain that can be experienced through anal.

Is anal sex safe?  Anal play and anal intercourse, when done correctly, can be safe and enjoyable. But there are risks if both partners do not take precautions.

Anal sex is one of the riskier forms of sexual activity, because it takes lots of preparation, patience, and proper lubrication before you start the fun.  When preliminary precautions are taken, and both partners take it slow, and use effective communication, anal sex can be very enjoyable experience for those willing to explore.  But first, know your facts.

Here are some risks you should be aware of before you start:

  • The anus lacks the same ability to naturally lubricate as a vagina. Penetration without lubrication can result in potential tearing inside the anus.
  • Tearing increases the chances of bacteria and viruses entering the bloodstream.Studies suggest that receiving partners of anal penetration increase their exposure to HIV and are at a 30 times greater risk for HIV contraction than those exposed vaginally.  This is why lubrication is not just important for pleasure, but also safety.
  • Being able to relax the sphincter through conscious breathing can also decrease the potential for tearing. Also massage around the outside of the anal area, and sufficient time for arousal will help relax the anal muscles, decreasing the risk of tears.
  • Frequent anal sex may weaken the anal sphincter, the muscle that tightens after a bowel movement. This can cause bowel incontinence for some.  However, Kegel exercises can be performed to strengthen the sphincter, and help prevent or correct this problem.  (Side note: Do not place any object in the anus not designed for anal Kegel exercises.  You can either perform Kegels naturally or purchase a Kegel device specific to either vaginal or anal exercises)
  • The anus is full of bacteria, so it is best to practice safe prevention by remembering to never place objects that have been placed in the anus in the vagina or mouth. Both partners can be at risk of contracting hepatitis, herpes, HPV, and other infections.  Changing condoms and keeping wipes nearby can help decrease these risks.

This is not to deter you from creating backseat action, but knowledge is power. Anal sex can be a delightful experience for all involved partners.  Exploring new avenues for sex can increase your ability to experience heightened pleasure and intimacy personally and with a partner.

Does anal sex hurt?  It can, but it doesn’t have to with the right mindset, tools, and techniques. No form of intercourse should hurt, unless that is something that you want.  This means paying attention to your body, and knowing how to communicate if something feels uncomfortable.  If you are feeling unwanted pain, it might be time to slow down, stop, or change what you are doing.  With proper communication, technique (for example, relaxation), and lubrication anal sex can be an indulgent experience for everyone involved.


  1. Hygiene

In general, all the care you will need before anal play is to go to the bathroom beforehand and gently clean around the anal area.  Understand that “shit happens”.  Sometimes, no matter how careful you are there is a chance for shit to show itself during anal play.  If you are going to explore this area learn to be comfortable with the potential of shit happening.  Don’t freak out.  Have some wipes by the bed, and casually just wipe it away, no big deal.=

Some may recommend water streaming devices or oral colon cleansers such as anal douches, enemas, or colonics.  These are highly controversial cleaning methods, as they can create dependency and even damage the digestive system.  Please do your own research and talk to a medical professional before use.

  1. Condoms
    1. Safety First
      1. The rectum is very delicate and has the potential for tearing during anal sex. This increases risk of STIs.
      2. Unprotected anal sex with a penis can increase prostate infection from bacteria getting into the urethra.
  • Condoms come in a variety of textures, sizes, and thickness.Everyone can enjoy themselves and still be safe.
  1. Condoms can make anal sex better because it helps the penis glide easier.
  2. Condoms help with making cleanup easier. Use them on both toys and the penis to help with cleanup.
  1. Lubrication
    1. It is very important to use lubrication during anal sex. The anus lacks natural lubrication.  Even with condoms due to the greater amount of friction in the anus condoms are more likely to break during anal intercourse than vaginal.
    2. A high quality lubricant such as Bedroom Kandi’s Sleek-Silicon or Organics Silk is essential for anal sex. The more lubricant, the better it will be for both partners. 


  1. Try it first alone with yourself. Apply lubrication on your finger (I recommend using a finger with a short-filed nail) and see what it feels like.   Start by rubbing gently around the opening, get used to the sensation externally, and when you are ready insert your finger. Determine what feels good or doesn’t to you with self-play first. If you desire, with the other hand, rub the clitoris or penis.
  2. Pre-Stretch:Using a butt plug can be a good way to begin anal play, and also a method for helping the receiving partner relax the muscles before the act.  Using smaller objects or fingers can greatly help both partners relax and be ready for full intercourse.
  3. When with a partner, make sure the inserting partner is taking things slow at first.No need to rush things.
  4. Try rubbing the clit or penis while performing anal. It increases pleasure.  Hand movement or vibrators all over the body are always good in helping both partners relax and increase pleasure.
  5. Breath:Making sure you are breathing is very important.  Breath helps you to relax more and decreases the potential for unnecessary pain from the receiving partner tensing up.   Practicing breathing together can help both partners relax more and intensify the feelings of connection and pleasure between partners.
  6. Communication:It is very important to communicate with your partner what you enjoy or don’t.  Being able to ask for more lubrication or a different position is important in keeping things flowing.  Also, if at any point you feel uncomfortable or are in pain during anal play both partners need to feel comfortable communicating with one another. 

What are the best positions for beginners?

  • Receiver partner on top (allows more control for receiving partner)
  • Receiver on bottom-in order to relax more
  • Spooning
  • Receiving partner can push back onto inserting partner in doggy style while the receiving partner remains still.


Using toys to help with foreplay of anal sex is always beneficial.  Butt plugs or prostate massagers are great for helping to transition into anal sex.  You want to make sure all toys have a flared base, as what goes in doesn’t always come out. Lets stay out of the ER.  Bedroom Kandi has some amazing introductory toys. Step By Step, Booty-Call, and P-Curious are great as a warm-up prior to anal sex.  They can also be used solo or during.

Clean Up:

Make sure condoms are disposed of and anything that was placed in the anus is cleaned with soap and water after play.


The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure: Erotic Exploration for Men and Their Partners by Charlie Glickman

Anal Pleasure and Health: A Guide for Men, Women, and Couples by Jack Morin

How to Bottom Like a Porn Star by Jack Morin

“How Clean Should Your Colon Be?”by American Council on Science and Health.

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