Many are raised from a very young age to put their needs before everyone and everything else. “Work before play.” “There is plenty of time to sleep when you are dead.” “That can wait until I take a vacation.” The lists of phrases emphasizing poor self-care go on and on. What phrases do you often tell yourself to justify not taking time for loving yourself?
What would happen if you ate a weeks worth of food in one day, and then spent the rest of the week eating nothing; or if you brushed your teeth for an hour and decided not to brush your teeth the rest of the month? In both situations the outcome would be pretty tragic. If we know that both overdoing and neglecting our needs leads to unpleasant outcomes, why do so many feel its okay to do this in love? Just like it is important to fill your body with daily nutrients, it is equally important to make sure you are taking care of your emotional needs on a daily basis.
Are you love deficient?
Potential Signs You Might Be Suffering from a Love Deficiency:
- Waiting until special occasions to celebrate yourself
- Waiting on the “right time” or someone else’s “right time” to follow your dreams and goals
- Overindulging in food, sex, shopping, etc.
- Depending on others for your happiness
- Not allowing for others to help you
- Constantly finding yourself in unloving relationships
- Feeling lonely while surrounded by those who love you
- Searching outside yourself for love
- Not creating time to exercise and diet
- Creating excuses not to see your healthcare provider for breast exams, mental health check ups, STD testing, prostate exams, etc.)
- Avoidance of weekly sessions for sexual pleasure with self or partner
- Not taking time to connect with higher self/spirituality
If you find yourself saying, “I do that often,” to one or more items on this list it might be time for you to take time to address your love deficiency. A love deficiency can only be resolved first by addressing what you are not doing for yourself.
Ways to Cure a Love Deficit
- Don’t wait until the weekend or vacations to do something enjoyable. Make self-care a daily practice. It doesn’t have to take much time, but making sure you make an intentional effort is important. Examples are taking a bath, putting on nice lotions, watching your favorite tv show, prayer/meditation, paint your nails, clean up your home (or just make up your bed), cook a nice meal. Whatever makes you smile inside take a few minutes to do daily.
- Schedule time for sexual pleasure. It is a basic human need that needs to be embraced. Don’t be afraid to explore your sexuality solo or with a partner. Sex is very similar to exercise sometimes you might be in the mood sometimes you might not, but it still doesn’t mean you let yourself get out of shape. Make the time. You either use it or your loose it (this is especially true for women).
- Check the people you are around. Is it time for a relationship detox? Are you in healthy relationships where you feel loved and respected? Are people adding or taking away from your time and energy? It might be time to rid yourself of toxic people who no longer serve you.
- Stop waiting on the “right time,” and create ways to live your dreams today. Do you like to travel? Attend an international event or restaurant in your town. Create ways to make small steps to living whatever life you dream right now. The only thing holding you back is you.
- Ask for help.We didn’t come into this world alone. We are created to help one another. Allow for others to aid you in your journey.
- Help others (outside of your family and close friends). I know this might sound a little counterproductive to self-love, but helping others helps us with not becoming self-absorbed in personal sorrows and see clearer our purpose to help elevate one another. Just make sure you are staying balanced in taking care of your own issues while you are helping others.
- Take care of your physical and emotional health. See your healthcare providers for regular physical and mental health checkups. Exercise, diet, and feed your spirit with positivity on a regular basis.
- Be patient with yourself. Allow yourself to be imperfect and to make mistakes. It is part of being human, and just like with everything else life will continue to go on with or without you, so mine as well choose to make time for your happiness.
Give yourself love daily. Don’t allow the daily hustle and bustle to allow you to be love deficient. Just like it is not in your best interest to go days without food. Don’t allow yourself to go days without love. You cannot expect others to give you something you do not regularly give yourself